Different For Girls (feat. Elle King)~ Dierks Bentley

She don't throw any t-shirt on and walk to a bar
She don't text her friends and say, I gotta get laid tonight
She don't say, it's okay, I never loved him anyway
She don't scroll through her phone just looking for a Band-Aid

It's different for girls when their hearts get broke
They can't tape it back together with a whiskey and Coke
They don't take someone home and act like it's nothing
They can't just switch it off every time they feel something
A guy gets drunk with his friends and he might hook up
Fast forward through the pain, pushing back when the tears come on
But it's different for girls

She don't sleep all day and leave the house a wreck
She don't have the luxury to let herself go
She won't call just to curse, find a wall, she can push
When the going gets tough, yeah, the guys they can just act tough

It's different for girls when their hearts get broke
They can't tape it back together with a whiskey and Coke
They don't take someone home and act like it's nothing
They can't just switch it off every time they feel something
A guy gets drunk with his friends and he might hook up
Fast forward through the pain, pushing back when the tears come on
But it's different for girls

It's different for girls
Nobody said it was fair
When love disappears, they can't pretend it was never there

A guy gets drunk with his friends and he might hook up
Fast forward through the pain, pushing back when the tears come on
When the going gets tough, yeah, the guys they can just act tough
So tough
It's different for girls
It's different for girls


Let's just say it's been three weeks.  I say that because it was three weeks ago yesterday when he kissed me last.  It was after a softball game.  For a team that my bar sponsors . The team that lead him to me. But that's not really that weird, there are just somethings in life that happen and you will never forget. I can tell you the last time I kissed He Who Shall Not Be Named, The Champ, and Mr. Smitten as well. But with them I knew the last time would be the last time.  The Great Pretender took me by surprise. They lost the game,  He had to work that night so he was going home to take a nap before his shift started,  We walked together to my car which was parked next to his truck.  He leaned in a kissed me goodbye like he had every other time we parted ways.  Like something he didn't even think about just something that was suppose to happen.  Told me he would text me later and we drove away from one another.  That was the last time I saw him, heard his voice and the last time he kissed me.
So it's been three weeks.  I'm honestly doing better with it then I thought I would.  But I'm working a lot so other then at night I don't leave myself much time to think about it.
I have the greatest support system.  My family and Friends couldn't be better. They are always there for me.  But sometimes ... alone in my thoughts I just want to call him.  At 2 a.m. when I know he's at work or just going to bed I want to text him.  Mostly because I know he's awake and I know I'm not being a bother.  But when in reality if I did text him it would be a bother.  Sunday at 10:25 p.m it will be three weeks since he has said anything to me.  Not a text not a call.  Radio Silence.  But I'm sure it's better that way.  I think it would break my heart to hear his voice.  But I also want to know that he's doing ok.  I want to know that because I care for him and I'm sure I always will.  But he doesn't want me.  I'll get over that soon enough.  Or I'll get a fish or something.  Anyway That's all I've got.


Have Faith

K*

  

Hollow Drum~Laura Welsh

You know I see you
In another light
Where did the days go
When it all felt right

And all I know is there was fire in the room
It got cold too soon

Listen to the rain
And it doesn't sound the same
And it was fun fun fun

The silence in your role
We're not talking anymore
We better run run run

The way you repeat any opportunity until I come undone
It's the sound of our hearts getting louder beating like a hollow drum
Like a hollow hollow hollow drum
Like a hollow hollow hollow drum

So hold your tongue
You can't look me in the eyes
You won't remember
You won't even try

And all I knew is there was fire in the room
It got cold too soon

Listen to the rain
And it doesn't sound the same
And it was fun fun fun

The silence in your role
We're not talking anymore
We better run run run

The way you repeat any opportunity until I come undone
It's the sound of our hearts getting louder beating like a hollow drum
Like a hollow hollow hollow drum
Like a hollow hollow hollow drum

It's the sound of our hearts getting louder beating like a hollow drum
Like a hollow hollow hollow drum
Like a hollow hollow hollow drum

Things happen ... Great wonderful things... Then somethings no so great.


Why is that? Why do fantastic things get up in front of our faces just to be pulled away?


I'm not going to bore you with the whole story. Mostly because it no longer matters at all. I was so excited to find the perfect song to tell all the people all about The Great Pretender ... who's name has changed more than once. At this point this is defiantly the most fitting. He had everyone fooled. He said all the right things at the right times. But he turned out to be no better than He Who Shall Not Be Named. He was an actor, with great talent. He could have been famous and made millions. Alright maybe that's a little far. Anyway, The fact is that he I spend about 8 weeks living in the clouds forgetting what it would be like when I fall back down to earth. I should have known better. I there is always a fall. I woke up. From the most blissful sleep I woke up... People say to live your dreams, but what some people don't seam to understand is that nightmares are dreams too... you were my dream. This is my nightmare. The ache is my nightmare. People will ask how I am, random people making small talk at work or at the store 'hey how are you today?' My response is always the same "Livin' the dream." Because that's what I'm doing, I'm living my nightmare. That's something I wrote.  That's the way I think.  I always find a way for my nightmares to get the better of me.  This is something I found... no name on it but I feel like it apply's

From the book I'll never write

Please Don’t fall in love with me~
I’ll write about the way your collarbone curves and the way your lip trembles when you’re upset. I’ll focus more on the way you twiddle your thumbs counter clockwise rather than the words slipping from your mouth. I’ll remember your favorite song and listen to it on repeat until the lyrics are engraved into the crevasses of my brain. But I’ll forget why prefer coffee over tea.
Please don’t fall in love with me. Because once you realize I’m not good enough I’ll write about you until my palms bleed and my bones begin to ache to serve as a reminder that I should’ve focused more on the feeling I got when you held me rather than how many God damn freckles you had on your arms. I should’ve woken you up to a cup of fresh coffee not tea
*Unknown

Not that he fall in love with me.  I know what because if he had he would have had the balls to tell me to my face that he didn't want to be with me anymore.  I wouldn't have woken up to a text massage on a Sunday morning telling me that he can do better then me.  OK so that's not what it said, but I want you to tell that that's not what it meant when it said "We both deserve better"  ... Maybe it's just my opinion but I think that is the nicest way anyone can say 'I deserve better then you'.  There naturally is more to the story.  The Great and the Bad parts.  But at the end of the day I haven't moved to Indiana yet and I've got no plans to do I'm handing it better then expected.

Maybe that's all for today

Maybe I'll write more when I can't sleep tonight

Have Faith

K*

  

I See Fire ~ Ed Sheeran

Oh, misty eye of the mountain below
Keep careful watch of my brothers' souls
And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke
Keep watching over Durin's sons

If this is to end in fire
Then we should all burn together
Watch the flames climb high into the night

Calling out father oh
Stand by and we will
Watch the flames burn auburn on
The mountain side

And if we should die tonight
Then we should all die together
Raise a glass of wine for the last time

Calling out father oh
Prepare as we will
Watch the flames burn auburn on
The mountain side
Desolation comes upon the sky

Now I see fire
Inside the mountain
I see fire
Burning the trees
And I see fire
Hollowing souls
I see fire
Blood in the breeze
And I hope that you remember me

Oh, should my people fall
Then surely I'll do the same
Confined in mountain halls
We got too close to the flame

Calling out father oh
Hold fast and we will
Watch the flames burn auburn on
The mountain side
Desolation comes upon the sky

Now I see fire
Inside the mountain
I see fire
Burning the trees
I see fire
Hollowing souls
I see fire
Blood in the breeze
And I hope that you remember me

And if the night is burning
I will cover my eyes
For if the dark returns
Then my brothers will die
And as the sky is falling down
It crashed into this lonely town
And with that shadow upon the ground
I hear my people screaming out

Now I see fire
Inside the mountains
I see fire
Burning the trees
I see fire
Hollowing souls
I see fire
Blood in the breeze

I see fire (oh you know I saw a city burning out) (fire)
And I see fire (feel the heat upon my skin, yeah) (fire)
And I see fire (uh-uh-uh-uh) (fire)
And I see fire burn auburn on the mountain side

I rolled my ankle ... as it turns out I am not very graceful at 6:00 A.M on Thursday's, when walking down the stairs.   It's better now but it has been Three weeks.  It's not 100% but differently better.

BF#3, Sport and I went to see Kip Moore last Thursday it was SO MUCH FUN!!!  It might help that I can sing all of his songs because I love them so much.  Last Night (ok two nights ago) BF#3 and I went to see Chris Young.  Also Really fun.  I've been working a lot, and not sleeping enough.  I think at this point I'm too tried to sleep I mean if that's a real thing and not just a line from a Kenny Rogers song.  

There are so many thoughts in my head that sometimes I have a hard time forming a proper though. Which is something that I know so why I thought it was a good idea to right tonight is beyond me.  OK so that's not really true... sometimes when I write I can clear my head.  But not tonight considering I started this post over an hour ago. 

I guess I'm going to call it a night and see where it takes me

Photos from the Shows with some of the greatest people I know ... Love You Both!!!

Blurry~ Puddle Of Mudd

Every thing's so blurry
And everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
And everything is so messed up
Preoccupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I'll protect you
From all of the obscene
I wonder what your doing?
Imagine where you are?
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
There's no one left that's real
To make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
'Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

And you could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I will save you
From all of the unclean
I wonder what your doing?
I wonder where you are?
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it my face
This pain you gave to me

Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you when to runaway
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you when to runaway

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it my face
This pain you gave to me
No this pain you gave to me
This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away
Explain again to me
You take it all away
Explain again to me
Take it all away
Explain again
Explain again
Explain again

I wonder what you would think of me today on your 29th Birthday...Would we even be friends anymore... what would life have held for you?  It's seams so long ago that we lost you.  My life was so different then...

I know that this is not the path I was planning then would you believe that I would be here right now?

I guess I don't even know what else there is to say... I am listening to the song you sang to me in the E-PAC that night I was crying over a stupid boy when we should have been dancing.  Remembering my 16th birthday party.  I am remembering dancing in the play.  I am remembering wearing your suit jacket because I was so close back stage in that dress.  I am remembering you telling me not to fall for your brother after I told you I was going to Prom with me.  I am remembering the good time and trying not to dwell on the sadness.  

Happy Birthday  Randy 

I'll never forget