Different For Girls (feat. Elle King)~ Dierks Bentley

She don't throw any t-shirt on and walk to a bar
She don't text her friends and say, I gotta get laid tonight
She don't say, it's okay, I never loved him anyway
She don't scroll through her phone just looking for a Band-Aid

It's different for girls when their hearts get broke
They can't tape it back together with a whiskey and Coke
They don't take someone home and act like it's nothing
They can't just switch it off every time they feel something
A guy gets drunk with his friends and he might hook up
Fast forward through the pain, pushing back when the tears come on
But it's different for girls

She don't sleep all day and leave the house a wreck
She don't have the luxury to let herself go
She won't call just to curse, find a wall, she can push
When the going gets tough, yeah, the guys they can just act tough

It's different for girls when their hearts get broke
They can't tape it back together with a whiskey and Coke
They don't take someone home and act like it's nothing
They can't just switch it off every time they feel something
A guy gets drunk with his friends and he might hook up
Fast forward through the pain, pushing back when the tears come on
But it's different for girls

It's different for girls
Nobody said it was fair
When love disappears, they can't pretend it was never there

A guy gets drunk with his friends and he might hook up
Fast forward through the pain, pushing back when the tears come on
When the going gets tough, yeah, the guys they can just act tough
So tough
It's different for girls
It's different for girls


Let's just say it's been three weeks.  I say that because it was three weeks ago yesterday when he kissed me last.  It was after a softball game.  For a team that my bar sponsors . The team that lead him to me. But that's not really that weird, there are just somethings in life that happen and you will never forget. I can tell you the last time I kissed He Who Shall Not Be Named, The Champ, and Mr. Smitten as well. But with them I knew the last time would be the last time.  The Great Pretender took me by surprise. They lost the game,  He had to work that night so he was going home to take a nap before his shift started,  We walked together to my car which was parked next to his truck.  He leaned in a kissed me goodbye like he had every other time we parted ways.  Like something he didn't even think about just something that was suppose to happen.  Told me he would text me later and we drove away from one another.  That was the last time I saw him, heard his voice and the last time he kissed me.
So it's been three weeks.  I'm honestly doing better with it then I thought I would.  But I'm working a lot so other then at night I don't leave myself much time to think about it.
I have the greatest support system.  My family and Friends couldn't be better. They are always there for me.  But sometimes ... alone in my thoughts I just want to call him.  At 2 a.m. when I know he's at work or just going to bed I want to text him.  Mostly because I know he's awake and I know I'm not being a bother.  But when in reality if I did text him it would be a bother.  Sunday at 10:25 p.m it will be three weeks since he has said anything to me.  Not a text not a call.  Radio Silence.  But I'm sure it's better that way.  I think it would break my heart to hear his voice.  But I also want to know that he's doing ok.  I want to know that because I care for him and I'm sure I always will.  But he doesn't want me.  I'll get over that soon enough.  Or I'll get a fish or something.  Anyway That's all I've got.


Have Faith

K*

  

Hollow Drum~Laura Welsh

You know I see you
In another light
Where did the days go
When it all felt right

And all I know is there was fire in the room
It got cold too soon

Listen to the rain
And it doesn't sound the same
And it was fun fun fun

The silence in your role
We're not talking anymore
We better run run run

The way you repeat any opportunity until I come undone
It's the sound of our hearts getting louder beating like a hollow drum
Like a hollow hollow hollow drum
Like a hollow hollow hollow drum

So hold your tongue
You can't look me in the eyes
You won't remember
You won't even try

And all I knew is there was fire in the room
It got cold too soon

Listen to the rain
And it doesn't sound the same
And it was fun fun fun

The silence in your role
We're not talking anymore
We better run run run

The way you repeat any opportunity until I come undone
It's the sound of our hearts getting louder beating like a hollow drum
Like a hollow hollow hollow drum
Like a hollow hollow hollow drum

It's the sound of our hearts getting louder beating like a hollow drum
Like a hollow hollow hollow drum
Like a hollow hollow hollow drum

Things happen ... Great wonderful things... Then somethings no so great.


Why is that? Why do fantastic things get up in front of our faces just to be pulled away?


I'm not going to bore you with the whole story. Mostly because it no longer matters at all. I was so excited to find the perfect song to tell all the people all about The Great Pretender ... who's name has changed more than once. At this point this is defiantly the most fitting. He had everyone fooled. He said all the right things at the right times. But he turned out to be no better than He Who Shall Not Be Named. He was an actor, with great talent. He could have been famous and made millions. Alright maybe that's a little far. Anyway, The fact is that he I spend about 8 weeks living in the clouds forgetting what it would be like when I fall back down to earth. I should have known better. I there is always a fall. I woke up. From the most blissful sleep I woke up... People say to live your dreams, but what some people don't seam to understand is that nightmares are dreams too... you were my dream. This is my nightmare. The ache is my nightmare. People will ask how I am, random people making small talk at work or at the store 'hey how are you today?' My response is always the same "Livin' the dream." Because that's what I'm doing, I'm living my nightmare. That's something I wrote.  That's the way I think.  I always find a way for my nightmares to get the better of me.  This is something I found... no name on it but I feel like it apply's

From the book I'll never write

Please Don’t fall in love with me~
I’ll write about the way your collarbone curves and the way your lip trembles when you’re upset. I’ll focus more on the way you twiddle your thumbs counter clockwise rather than the words slipping from your mouth. I’ll remember your favorite song and listen to it on repeat until the lyrics are engraved into the crevasses of my brain. But I’ll forget why prefer coffee over tea.
Please don’t fall in love with me. Because once you realize I’m not good enough I’ll write about you until my palms bleed and my bones begin to ache to serve as a reminder that I should’ve focused more on the feeling I got when you held me rather than how many God damn freckles you had on your arms. I should’ve woken you up to a cup of fresh coffee not tea
*Unknown

Not that he fall in love with me.  I know what because if he had he would have had the balls to tell me to my face that he didn't want to be with me anymore.  I wouldn't have woken up to a text massage on a Sunday morning telling me that he can do better then me.  OK so that's not what it said, but I want you to tell that that's not what it meant when it said "We both deserve better"  ... Maybe it's just my opinion but I think that is the nicest way anyone can say 'I deserve better then you'.  There naturally is more to the story.  The Great and the Bad parts.  But at the end of the day I haven't moved to Indiana yet and I've got no plans to do I'm handing it better then expected.

Maybe that's all for today

Maybe I'll write more when I can't sleep tonight

Have Faith

K*

  

I See Fire ~ Ed Sheeran

Oh, misty eye of the mountain below
Keep careful watch of my brothers' souls
And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke
Keep watching over Durin's sons

If this is to end in fire
Then we should all burn together
Watch the flames climb high into the night

Calling out father oh
Stand by and we will
Watch the flames burn auburn on
The mountain side

And if we should die tonight
Then we should all die together
Raise a glass of wine for the last time

Calling out father oh
Prepare as we will
Watch the flames burn auburn on
The mountain side
Desolation comes upon the sky

Now I see fire
Inside the mountain
I see fire
Burning the trees
And I see fire
Hollowing souls
I see fire
Blood in the breeze
And I hope that you remember me

Oh, should my people fall
Then surely I'll do the same
Confined in mountain halls
We got too close to the flame

Calling out father oh
Hold fast and we will
Watch the flames burn auburn on
The mountain side
Desolation comes upon the sky

Now I see fire
Inside the mountain
I see fire
Burning the trees
I see fire
Hollowing souls
I see fire
Blood in the breeze
And I hope that you remember me

And if the night is burning
I will cover my eyes
For if the dark returns
Then my brothers will die
And as the sky is falling down
It crashed into this lonely town
And with that shadow upon the ground
I hear my people screaming out

Now I see fire
Inside the mountains
I see fire
Burning the trees
I see fire
Hollowing souls
I see fire
Blood in the breeze

I see fire (oh you know I saw a city burning out) (fire)
And I see fire (feel the heat upon my skin, yeah) (fire)
And I see fire (uh-uh-uh-uh) (fire)
And I see fire burn auburn on the mountain side

I rolled my ankle ... as it turns out I am not very graceful at 6:00 A.M on Thursday's, when walking down the stairs.   It's better now but it has been Three weeks.  It's not 100% but differently better.

BF#3, Sport and I went to see Kip Moore last Thursday it was SO MUCH FUN!!!  It might help that I can sing all of his songs because I love them so much.  Last Night (ok two nights ago) BF#3 and I went to see Chris Young.  Also Really fun.  I've been working a lot, and not sleeping enough.  I think at this point I'm too tried to sleep I mean if that's a real thing and not just a line from a Kenny Rogers song.  

There are so many thoughts in my head that sometimes I have a hard time forming a proper though. Which is something that I know so why I thought it was a good idea to right tonight is beyond me.  OK so that's not really true... sometimes when I write I can clear my head.  But not tonight considering I started this post over an hour ago. 

I guess I'm going to call it a night and see where it takes me

Photos from the Shows with some of the greatest people I know ... Love You Both!!!

Blurry~ Puddle Of Mudd

Every thing's so blurry
And everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
And everything is so messed up
Preoccupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I'll protect you
From all of the obscene
I wonder what your doing?
Imagine where you are?
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
There's no one left that's real
To make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
'Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

And you could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I will save you
From all of the unclean
I wonder what your doing?
I wonder where you are?
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it my face
This pain you gave to me

Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you when to runaway
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you when to runaway

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it my face
This pain you gave to me
No this pain you gave to me
This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away
Explain again to me
You take it all away
Explain again to me
Take it all away
Explain again
Explain again
Explain again

I wonder what you would think of me today on your 29th Birthday...Would we even be friends anymore... what would life have held for you?  It's seams so long ago that we lost you.  My life was so different then...

I know that this is not the path I was planning then would you believe that I would be here right now?

I guess I don't even know what else there is to say... I am listening to the song you sang to me in the E-PAC that night I was crying over a stupid boy when we should have been dancing.  Remembering my 16th birthday party.  I am remembering dancing in the play.  I am remembering wearing your suit jacket because I was so close back stage in that dress.  I am remembering you telling me not to fall for your brother after I told you I was going to Prom with me.  I am remembering the good time and trying not to dwell on the sadness.  

Happy Birthday  Randy 

I'll never forget

A Little Too Much ~Shawn Mendes

She would not show that she was afraid,
But being and feeling alone was too much to face,

Though everyone said that she was so strong,
What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on,

But she knew that she would be okay,
So she didn't let it get in her way,

Sometimes it all gets a little too much,
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much,

She would always tell herself she could do this
She would use no help it would be just fine
But when it got hard she would lose her focus
So take my hand and we'll be alright

And she knew that she would be okay,
So she didn't let it get in her way,

Sometimes it all gets a little too much,
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much, yeah.

A little too much, I said a little too much, oh

Sometimes it all gets a little too much,
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much yeah!

Sometimes it all gets a little too much,
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much

I should be asleep...

Tonight at work some drunk guy lets call him just that The drunk guy asked me to go to a After Bar at on of his friends houses I as nicely as possible told him no Thank you after some back and forth and playful banter between us and his three friends laughing and having a good time he told me that he didn't find me attractive he just wanted to have sex with me.  As much as that has happened to me before guys just wanting to have sex with me(hey I work in a bar I get it drunk guys want to have sex... Real life is all guys want to have sex.)  I knew that he wanted that, that is why I told him that I was not going to the after bar.  I'm NOT the kind of girl that to roll around with you in the dark and the next day act like it never happened.  I've always said "I'm not the kind of girl you take home to your bed, I'm the kind of girl you take home to meet your Mom."  But with all the guys that have tried to turn me into the girl you roll around with for a night none of them have ever said anything like that to me. 

I should be asleep...  

Why is it that I am a smart person who know's she is pretty most days anyway and it's 3:02 A.M. and I am sitting in a chair crying over what The Drunk Guy said to me.  It was bull nonsense rambling from a drunk who I will probably never see again why do I care?

I should be asleep...

There is not one person on this planet who likes everything about his/her self, and if someone told you they do they lie.  I have love handles and weigh the most right now that I ever have in my whole life... I know that because I have been on the scale in the bathroom twice tonight since I got home from work because I could not believe what it said the first time.  Maybe the drunk guy is right. Maybe that's why I haven't found someone to love me.  But that's not true.  My crazy brain pushing every guy away that shows even a little bit on interest in me.   Because I am afraid of being hurt.  Being told that no one will ever love me or being cheated on again.  

I should be asleep...

Tonight was to Too Much... The Drunk Guy was Too Much ... All of it  Everything about it was Too Much  

Too Much to deal with.  Too Much to listen to ... Too Much to have to be alone with in my crazy head... Too Much to think about ... 

 Just Too Much

Find Faith and Hold it dear... Trust in your Faith when you've had Too Much

...Today was Too Much 

Let your Faith be Bigger than Your Too Much

K*

While My Guitar Gently Weeps ~ The Beatles

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don't know why nobody told you
How to unfold your love
I don't know how someone controlled you
They bought and sold you

I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps

Well...

I don't know how you were diverted
You were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted
No one alerted you

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
Look at you all
Still my guitar gently weeps

Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, ooh



…




I'm on a boat(i wont be when i post this)
There are so many thoughts in my head
BF#3 and i are on cruise number 3 is glorious:)
My online diary drove us to the airport
We flew to Florida and BF#3 lost her cell phone for about 45 seconds... we stayed in a hotel we Swam then slept and went to the boat the next day … The shuttle from the hotel to the port was a joke … The drives were annoying
We got on board and found our room, than ate (because that's why I go on cruises) there was no open tables so we asked these nice guys if we could share their table and the said that was fine … Thats how we met the Super Six the other guys came over to fine them sitting with us instead of them and teased them about how they be sitting with us too :) we all laughed. We unpacked had dinner and headed to the bar (because that's the other reason to go on a cruise) after sipping a Moscow Mule we went to the piano bar The Piano Man was so talented. We ran into the Super Six again. The night was amazing. We the next day was a full day at sea. It was fun we read and hung out on deck … We dressed up for the fancy night at dinner.  We went to the Piano bar again. 

The next night we were in Amber Cover which is in the Dominican Republic.  The Port is Brand new so here wasn't much other then shops to look at there.  After some shopping we found a taxi and went to a beach.  We laid in under a tree and swam in the ocean.  Bought a few more things and went back to port.  After returning to the boat we took turns showering and than I took a nap.  After dinner there was a deck party so we found good people watching seats and got ready for the show... Not much people watching happened because The Super Six came up and we starting talking.  We stayed up too late ( I stayed up later) Then we all had breakfast together in the morning (later in the morning for sure)  We met up at A bar on The Island of Grand Turk had lunch Beers and parted ways so The Girls could do some shopping as The Boys headed to a different bar.  The separation  didn't last long as we ran into them later on on the beach.  We swam the the day away.  When it was time to go back on the Victory for the last time we (BF#3 and I) Had lunch and washed the salt water off.  After Naps and dinner we went to the Piano bar to see Billy (get it like Billy Joel) We snag and hung out... after the entertainment was over the 8 of us went for pizza.  Then Half of us went to bed.  I sat on the deck reading and looking at the stars.  Per Normal I was last to bed.  The Last day we Mini-Golfed and played ping-pong and went down the slid (which I learned was a team sport and was taught how do it correctly) Showed and had dinner for the last time on the Victory.  We also spent the last night At the Piano Bar where for part of the show Billy was joined by Eric and Kenny (stay with me here people Billy Joel-piano, Eric Clapton-guitar, Kenny G -Saxophone) It was great.

The Whole trip was Great!!

We made new friends

We made new Memories

We learned that 5 days is NOT long enough

And I learned that no matter how far away you go everything will be waiting for you when you get home ... The Good and The Bad

Anyway I think that's enough for today

Have Faith

K*

Total count on Books read 3 (not enough)
See me-Nicholas Sparks
Will Grayson, Will Grayson-John Green David Levithan (On lone From The Champ)
It's Kind Of A Funny Story-Ned Vizzini

Only Hope ~ Switchfoot

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

Today I spent the day with Sister #,1 BIL #1, BF #3, a kid I use to baby sit, his lady friend and one very short person... Today I was speechless and truly humbled by what I saw all round of us.  We climbed bluffs and walked around on trails.  It was AMAZING ... honestly even now after I have eaten and am in pj's I still have no words to describe how great it was.... 

That's all for today people... 

Until Next time

Have Faith

I Lived~ OneRepublic

Hope when you take that jump, you don't fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they're screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you'll say...

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup
Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes, I'll say...

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Oh Oh Oh Oh

With every broken bone, I swear I lived.
With every broken bone, I swear I...

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived.

Oh  Oh Oh Oh

I swear I lived.
Ohhh
Ohhh



Sometimes I wonder if I have really lived my life...
Sometimes I think that life is passing me by
Sometimes I want to pay off my car save all the nickels and dimes and just run away.
But where would I go?? Where could I go without knowing anyone
Could I go the rest of my life without talking to my family?
Well the answer to that question is a big fat NO... HAHAHA

Back on track

Have I really lived my life??
I'm 29 I have been on 2 (almost 3) Cruises
I have been to
New York twice
Boston once
Disney once
The Mall of America
I lived outside of Home town USA for 16 months
I can go to the movies and out to eat by myself and not hate my life anymore (this is a real thing)
I can drive my self the seven (ok not really more like six) hours to my sisters house to see her and her family
... Maybe my some should have been Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better 
In real life that is not my I am going for here

Sometimes when the past returns it is not there it Hunt you but to remind you that you are Strong
Sometimes a telemarketer will call my house on a Sunday Morning... Wait that's right a SUNDAY morning like before 9 A.M. and ask a someone who do not now nor ever has life in the house... Right because as I said they call MY HOUSE on a Sunday morning and asked for He Who Shall Not Be Named...
This person who I think was somewhere in Asia used his name in on the house phone and at no point in my day did he appear
Ok I know Harry Potter is just a book (or to some of you fools Just a Movie) but that was always the best way to deal with him... Treat him like a evil wizard that no one would even use the name of ... But today when My Mother told me that The man from Asia called and said his name I did not freak out ... Ok I did not like would have years or even months ago... it was normal K-town freak out... No dark place involved


I am making a solid effort to help my mom and dad more... Yesterday Mom and I did all that laundry and cleaned her bed room from top to bottom... I cooked us lunch  and then went to work for Collage football day... with all the Banquets lately it a clear blue miracle that I worked less then 50 hours this week,  But I did... After work I went to see my favorite local band...(two of the members of said band gradated from high school with me... CLASS OF '04 BABY)  I had today off to sleep in and eat leftover chicken I went to a Cabela's then to a movie ... then spend the night sitting on a couch talking about everything and nothing came to see the SUPER MOON!!!

It's now shorty after 1 A.M. I am spending all day tomorrow at The Bar working several different jobs

I guess I should try to sleep...

My life is different right now then it has ever been.

I like it

...
Have Faith

K*

Dirt Road ~ Kip Moore

When a preacher talks of heaven, he paints it real nice
He says, you better get to livin', better get to livin' right
If you're gonna get your mansion, he's been saving for your soul
If you're gonna do your dancing on city streets of gold

But unless it's got a dirt road leading down to a fishing hole
With a little piece of moonlight, a couple cans of Bud Light
Where I can cuddle with my baby and I can pull her real close
No, I don't wanna go unless heaven's got a dirt road

You better quit your drinking, you better quit your smoking too
Be for trading in your backseat Saturday nights for Sunday morning pew
Well, I've never been nothing, nothing more than what you see
Like my truck, I'm made for running, down to a midnight creek

So unless it's got a dirt road leading down to a fishing hole
With a little piece of moonlight, a couple cans of Bud Light
Where I can cuddle with my baby and I can pull her real close
No, I don't wanna go unless heaven's got a dirt road

All of this flying high, gonna leave ya falling short
Leave you knock, knock, knocking on heaven's basement door
But one thing's for sure

Unless it's got a dirt road leading down to a fishing hole
With a little piece of moonlight, a couple cans of Bud Light
Where I can cuddle with my baby and I can pull her real close
No, I don't wanna go unless heaven's got a dirt road

The speed that things change in my life is unbelievable ... I was all set on ... You know what this is too big I an not even going to write about it tonight i don't to Jinx it lets talk about something else

How about this ...
I'm playing bar league volleyball again this year.  I'm having a good time with that.    I have spent almost every (all but one) Monday and Wednesday back at the A&W helping out the family.  I have also been promoted to Lead Server at the Bar.  CBE (remember Coolest Boss Ever) and his beautiful wife are good to me like that. The CBE has a big hand in my life right now... Someone should remind me to thank him for that. 

Kip Moore had a new album coming out in just a few short weeks!!! I feel I have been waiting a life time for it.

I went canoeing today with Sister #1 BIL#1 their kids BF#3 (who really needs a new name...) and some other friends.  I caught some sun but not much.  It was blissful floating down the river today that it makes me seriously rethink my job so I could have every weekend off to do that anytime it's nice out. It was amazing ... OH and even though I have not been in a canoe in 11 years we did not go in to the drink :)

I should go to bed its late and I had a long but wonderful day :) and I was out WAY to late the two nights before that but had good company ;)

anyway I got nothing else to say now...

Have Faith

K*

Wish you were here ~ Pink Floyd

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

Happy Birthday to My Peter Pan ...
Happy Birthday to the most honest person I have ever known
Happy Birthday to my friend
Happy 28th Birthday Randy

RBB 15 forever

Faith ... we all need faith

K*

Ghost~ Ella Henderson

I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain
And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

My friends had you figured out
Yeah, they saw what's inside of you
You tried hiding another you
But your evil was coming through

These eyes sitting on the wall
They watch every move I make
Bright light living in the shade
Your cold heart makes my spirit shake

I had to go through hell to prove I'm not insane
Had to meet the devil just to know his name

And that's when my love was burning
Yeah, it's still burning

[2x:]
I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain
And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

Each time that I think you go
I turn around and you're creeping in
And I let you under my skin
'Cause I love living in the sin

Boy you never told me
True love was going to hurt
True pain I don't deserve
Truth is that I never learn

[2x:]
I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain
And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
Stop the haunting baby

Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
No more haunting baby

I keep going to the river

[2x:]
I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain
And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

I got a text today from BF#3 ... it said
"From the Book I'm reading "You have the here and now, Chris says. 'You have a future. Deal with the past so you can stop looking back. It's just pain."

I am currently at mom and dad's house for dinner for the first time since January 2nd.  I'm house sitting and it great! I forgot how nice it is to get out of the shower dry off and walk to get my cloths without a towel on. But as always there is a down side to everything in my life.  I'm spending a lot of time alone.  Too much time is spent thinking about things that I try not to think about.  So I've been working more then normal, and watching a lot of Harry Potter.  Today I went to pay my phone bill and came out with a tablet and a case with a keyboard that will run on WiFi or 4G for $10 a month.  Worth it!  I'm using it right now.  The one down fall it no iTunes.  But I think I can deal with that I still have my iPhone. 
Anyway so back to the text I got today.  sometimes people say things to you or you'll find a quote on line that is just so spot on that it makes you wonder if you were meant to see or hear or read it.  Like it was fated that BF#3 would read that book so she could send that to me.  I need for handle the past rather then just working overtime so I'm too tired to think.  But when you've been putting something off as long as I have (like 4 years) how do you then go back and face it to get closure?  Is that even possible/feasible? Or are the mistakes in my past something I just need to write off and just forget about.  Lets be for real about this.  No one runs from a problem like I do.  For gosh sake I ran 7 hours away then last time.  I guess that's something I will have to decide on my own.  Or maybe the real question here is can I live the ghost of my past or will they haunt me forever.

Just a thought for today...

That's All

Have Faith

K*

Clean ~Taylor Swift

The drought was the very worst
When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst
It was months and months of back-and-forth
You still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore
Hum ahead as I lost the war
And the sky turned black like a perfect storm

Rain came pouring down
When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe
And by morning, gone was any trace of you
And I think I am finally clean


There was nothing left to do
When the butterflies turned to dust, they covered my whole room
So I punched a hole in the roof
Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you
The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud
But no one heard a thing

Rain came pouring down
When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe
And by morning, gone was any trace of you
And I think I am finally clean

Ten months sober, I must admit
Just because you clean don't mean you don't miss it
Ten months older, I won't give in
Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it
The drought was the very worst
When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

Rain came pouring down
When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe
And by morning, gone was any trace of you
And I think I am finally clean

Rain came pouring down
When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe
And by morning, gone was any trace of you
And I think I am finally clean

We all have bad days... So are more Frequent then others but everone has them.  To day stated good but got less so... Enought of this ...

I Really just wanted to tell you that on tuesday my sister took her Foster Family and turned it into a Forever Family :)  Great day to be a member of my family thats for sure.

Lets talk about the guy... Because there's always a guy.  Anyone Remeber Mr.NiceGuy??  Yeah that guy this year we got a new snow removal crew that do a great job... Mr.NiceGuy is on the crew.  So with all the snow we've been getting I've been seeing him alot.  Why you might ask becasue I work a lot.  Such is my life.  His boss knows I kinda sorta like him.  I mean apparently I don't have to poker face I thought I had when it comes to him.  Or maybe he's just really good at reading me ... Who know? Anyway so The Boss (Not my boss HIS boss) Gives me a really hard time about that for whatever reason.  So tonight I had dinner at My Bar

and who comes in but Mr.NiceGuy, His Dad and The Boss (stay with me here not my boss his boss)  So I'm sitting across the bar with The Regular (thats his name now) we're eating and chatting and it lovely then comes in the Trio Mr.NiceGuy sits in my life of sight so I pull my hair out of my pony tail to hide behind it because that's any normal 28 year old girl will do when she is a CHICKEN!!  But The Regular catches me blushing and calls me out on it.  The he claims hes going to go all match maker (His name may change it he does what he says hes going to) anyway I left before he could turn me beet red forever.  We'll see what happeneds 

Anyway BF#3 and I are venturing South early Saturday morning and I 1,000 things to be before I can leave andd I work tomorrow so  I guess I'll leave you here...

Have Faith 

K*

Wasting All These Tears~ Cassadee Pope

I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle
Laying down on the bathroom floor
My loneliness was a rattle in the windows
You said you don't want me anymore

And you left me
Standing on a corner crying,
Feeling like a fool for trying
I don't even remember
Why I'm wasting all these tears on you
I wish I could erase our memory
'Cause you didn't give a damn about me
Oh, finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you
These tears on you

You ain't worth another sleepless night
And I'll do everything I gotta do to get you off my mind
'Cause what you wanted I couldn't give
What you did, boy, I'll never forget

And you left me
Standing on a corner crying
Feeling like a fool for trying
I don't even remember
Why I'm wasting all these tears on you
I wish I could erase our memory
'Cause you didn't give a damn about me
Oh, finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you
These tears on you

And you left me
Standing on a corner crying
Feeling like a fool for trying
I don't even remember
Why I'm wasting all these tears on you
I wish I could erase our memory
'Cause you didn't give a damn about me
Oh, finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you
Oh, oh, these tears on you

I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle
Laying down on the bathroom floor

I know what your thinking.  No I haven't had a boyfriend in the few months that I've been MIA.  But the song applies anyway.  But I thinking I'm more talking to my self.  Sometimes I am working so hard to make everyone else happy I forget that I am suppose to make myself happy first.  That's my new thing.  Be happy. I have come to the conclusion that I may need some help with that.  So now that I have Health Insurance I am going to talk to someone.  If only just to talk to once a week.  Most of the time I love my life but on my off day man they are bad.  I have started telling people that I'm in the dark place.  To BF#3 and The Irishman I call it Dark and Twisty.  He really hates it when I call it that.  And the darkness comes out of now where.  I had such a great day.  I only worked Dinner all my tables were really nice they all tipped good if not better then good.  I talked the Mechanic into changing my tale-light cover thing this weekend.  So I won't have to figure out to how to do that.  We have a big big weekend coming up and next week I have lots of Banquets.  My Life is good.  I got home from work sat down on the couch with my book and only made it thought like 4 chapters before it was like pulling teeth to keep going.  I know what your thinking.  Its a good book.  I like the author. I just have no want to read.  I want nothing more then to lay in my bed watching re-runs of prime time t.v. on my Roku.  Who does that??  Anyway I'm going to talk to someone.  It needs to be done.  When I was living at My Home Away From I saw The Pastor and it helped my nightmares some and even if just that Happened I'd be ok with it.  Maybe I'll go for a run seeming that I can't sleep.  Anyway Just wanted everyone to know that I'm still alive and will be hopefully posting more.  Sorry I disappeared.  I'll try not to do it again.

Have Faith

Be Happy

K*

Pieces ~ Gary Allan

*if you'r new to the blog :) thanks for reading... keep scrolling past the lyrics and you'll see my update*

I'’ve been broken, torn and scattered
I'’ve loved holy, I'’ve loved sin
I was rolling on the wind
It didn'’t matter

I was so sure of who I didn'’t want to be
Every smile and every fear
Every laugh and every tear
It was all mine, it was all me

Pieces of my heart
Pieces of my soul
Pieces that I’m gonna be
I don’t even know
I gave a lot to lovers
Gave a lot to friends
Everything I took from them
Made me who I am
Pieces

We’'ve all been lied to
We’'ve all been liars
Nothing’s perfect in this world
Everybody’s been burned by the fire
Guess I’m learning
That what breaks you, makes you grow
But I’m not hiding where I'’ve been
Gonna let the light shine in
What I don’t need
Gonna let that, let that, let that go

Pieces of my heart
Pieces of my soul
Pieces that I’m gonna be
I don’t even know
I gave a lot to lovers
Gave a lot to friends
Everything I took from them
Made me who I am
Pieces

Pieces, the good and the bad
Pieces, the happy and sad
Pieces, the wrong and the right
Pieces, that’s my, that’s my, that’s my life

Pieces of my heart
Pieces of my soul
Pieces that I’m gonna be
I don’t even know
I gave a lot to lovers
Gave a lot to friends
Everything I took from them
Made me who I am
Pieces

I went on a Cruise... AGAIN it was AMAZING.  I can't wait for my next one.  Not that I have the money for it right now anyway.  But that is something that I most differently want to do again.  BF#3 and I went.  We met lots of nice people.  We read books and swam in the ocean.  We Shopped.  We drank and ordered room service.  We wrote and watched movies.  We talked and laughed and sang. All and all it was great trip.  Even if we got a letter from Carnival about how sketchy with a map telling us what part of the island to avoid.  We people watched a lot.  Something I love.

We ate dinner with new people every night.  Sometimes the people were great.  We met a guy who was cruising with his mom who works for the collage basketball team in Oklahoma.  How cool it that.  We had dinner with a couple who knew EVERYTHING!!!! Even stuff I 100% know I am right about and they had no clue what they were talking about they were right and I was wrong.  Ask them they'll tell you.  The last night we had ate with a nice couple from South Carolina. He was a Pastor and she was a stay at home mom/ home school teacher for her 4 children.  They reminded me of Sister #2 and B-I-L#2 who were at my house while I was gone.  Sad that I was not here but nice that they got to come home.  Wait... where was I.. oh, right, The people. We saw some people who couldn't read sizes on their clothes didn't fit.  We met a set of brother from Puerto Rico who were really nice and funny.  We saw a lot a group of guy that we called "The Short's"  They were pretty cute and they knew it.  But not in like, the confidence is sexy, but a cocky every girl wants me kinda way that's just annoying.  They (the shorts) were everywhere for a few days there.  Then at the deck dance part we met 'The Socks' (something I'm throwing) They are from Boston.  Ok in all fairness we only met one of them that night.  A group of eight four dudes and four lady's but only one couple.  Really nice people.  We spend the last night with seven of the eight of them in the piano bar.  It was a super time.  We ran in them going to customs and then twice more at the air port.  I am now Facebook friends with seven of the eight of them, and being the nerd that I am, I'm happy about that.

I bought gifts for my family (so if you got one you are family to me)  I killed my cheep $10 watch which almost killed me.

So much happened that I don't know that I could ever tell anything or if I would want to if you would want me to.

All and all it was great.  I can't wait to travel more.  Maybe next time will be shorter I think that might be cheaper :)...


Have Faith

Live Happy

Be You!

K*

I See You ~ Luke Bryan

Roll in the bar, me and my crew

Their little plan to get me over you
They're hookin’ me up, yeah

Buyin’ me drinks with a thousand girls
There's just one thing

I can't go anywhere, I can't do anything

No, I can't close my eyes without you in my dreams

You won't leave me alone, even though I know you're gone
I look around for someone new, but I see you

Jumpin’ up there with the band

Takin’ me by the hand

Hey boy, come dance with me

Stuck like a melody in my head
In the bed of my truck

By the light of the midnight moon

Baby, I see you

Don't know what you did, but you done it good

You don't know how bad that I wish I could

Delete you from my phone, find a girl and take her home
But there's just one thing wrong

I can't go anywhere, I can't do anything

No, I can't close my eyes without you in my dreams

You won't leave me alone, even though I know you're gone
I look around for someone new, but I see you

Jumpin’ up there with the band

Takin’ me by the hand

Hey boy, come dance with me

Stuck like a melody in my head
In the bed of my truck

By the light of the midnight moon

Baby, I see you

Your lips, your eyes

Girl, since you told me goodbye

I can't go anywhere, I can't do anything

No, I can't close my eyes without you in my dreams

You won't leave me alone, even though I know you're gone
I look around for someone new, but I see you

Jumpin’ up there with the band

Takin’ me by the hand

Hey boy, come dance with me

Stuck like a melody in my head
In the bed of my truck

By the light of the midnight moon

Baby, I see you

Baby, I see you
Baby, I see you

It's been a long week...5 Banquets in 4 days ... 4 new tales added right as dinner hour hit on Friday night.  Long is the only word I have night now.   Today I worked from 8-1 flew home and went to see a Play with Mom and Sister #1 then a nap.  Leading to family dinner.  Beer was drank laughs were had.  All and All I wouldn't have ended the week any other way. Tomorrow starts the shortest work week ever.  Day Monday, Split Tuesday, Day Wednesday.  Off Thursday May 1st - Tuesday May 13th... Oh right BF#3 and I are going on a cruise.  CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!! 

Ok SO as always there's this guy right  Mr. Nice Guy.  I met him when we first opened the bar(Funny I say "WE" like I had something to do with it)  So I was working and both of the bars a lot then.  I went something like 47 or 48 days with no full day off.  Gross right.  Ok back to the cute guy.  So this Super cute guy Mr.Nice Guy asks for my number and I gave it to him right no big.  We text some off and on.  Then I start working all these extra day helping out at the other bar right so as always I let something fall through the cracks.  I totally blow him off right.  OK present day so I have him my number again (And when I saw "I" I mean one of the girls that works with me because I am a CHICKEN!!!) So hes like "Why do I want this she'll just blow me off again" UGGG Such is my life I let the good one slip away and cling to the guys that are going to fine it amazing to break my heart!  For realy dude its been like 2 years give me a break... Its whatever I guess... Even after my nap today I'm so drained...

Night all :)

Have Faith
K*

Faith When I Fall ~ Kip Moore

I know it's been a long time since the last time we talked
I know I've been a stranger and that's all my fault
And asking you for anything don't really seem right
But the winds of change are blowing so I'm begging you tonight

Give me love when I ain't got nobody
A little hope when I ain't got none at all
Give me light up ahead on a journey
Give me strength when I'm standing
And faith when I fall

I know the rain is coming and it's sure gonna pour
I know there ain't no running from this kind of storm
It's gonna get harder and harder, they keep on pushing through
I'm gonna wanna quit, so I'll be counting on you

To give me love when I ain't got nobody
A little hope when I ain't got none at all
Give me light up ahead on a journey
Give me strength when I'm standing
And faith when I fall

When the clouds start parting and the sun starts shining through
This time I wont forget, I wont forget about you

Give me love when I ain't got nobody
A little hope when I ain't got none at all
Give me love when I ain't got nobody
A little hope when I ain't got none at all
Give me light up ahead on a journey
Give me strength when I'm standing
And faith when I fall

Give me strength when I'm standing
And faith when I fall, yeah

Hello friends... I Know that i haven't posted in like FOREVER... That happens.   I hope you all still love me.

Here we go.  Saturday (like last week) I saw Kip Moore!  It was super amazing.  The road that let us there was ruff but after we ate let the dog out and went back home to get the tickets that I left on the kitchen counter.  We re-locked the door and headed to The Rave.  It was an super time me and BF#3 always have a good time when we go there.  We will be headed back next mouth to see Chase Rice Brett Elderdge and Billy Currington. I pretty stocked!  When we bought the tickets for Kip I got right on iTunes and bought some new songs.  This was my favorite right from the get go. I just loved it.  I kinda spoke to me.  Anyway... Lets see what else is new in my life...BF#3 and I are going on a cruise in May because well why not?!  We both need to get away.  

 

 I went and got a Tattoo.  I have wanted that for a long time.  When I showed it to people the first thing they ask is "Did it Hurt"  I always want to say "No not at all I love being stuck with a tiny needle over and over again It's my favorite!" OF COURSE it hurt.  I was stuck with a tiny needle over and over again for thirty minutes lets be real about this right now.  But it doesn't hurt now.  And I'm super in love with it so in the end it was totally worth it.  

The Mechanic is changing my oil this week so I made him cookies today... I am also going to share them with BF#3 because she's coming over for dinner tonight.  I have to go do more laundry now it was nice chatting with you :)

Have Faith 

K*

I knew you were trouble ~Taylor Swift

[Music video spoken part:]
I think--I think when it's all over,
It just comes back in flashes, you know?
It's like a kaleidoscope of memories.
It just all comes back. But he never does.
I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen.
It's not really anything he said or anything he did,
It was the feeling that came along with it.
And the crazy thing is I don't know if I'm ever gonna feel that way again.
But I don't know if I should.
I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright.
But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you?
Maybe he knew that when he saw me.
I guess I just lost my balance.
I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him.
It was losing me.

Once upon a time a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me, you found me, you found me
I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard you took a step back
Without me, without me, without me

And he's long gone when he's next to me
And I realize the blame is on me

'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
'Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

No apologies. He'll never see you cry,
Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why.
You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning.
Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street
A new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be
And now I see, now I see, now I see

He was long gone when he met me
And I realize the joke is on me, yeah!

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
'Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

And the saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything, yeah

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
'Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in (you were right there, you were right there)
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble

[Music video spoken part:]
I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are.

Guess how this post is going to start...

Strange things happen in my life ...(HAHAHA)

Picture it ... A bar in a small town on a Friday night...

I see a guy who I haven't seen since I worked at the Kwik Stop and we start talking ... Back story got it... I was dating He Who Shall Not Be Named and this super nice a flirty guy would come in and but cigarettes from me in his work truck.  He would talk about this girl friend so I found no harm in flirting back a little.  It ended there.  Nothing ever came of the flirtation that that happened between a working girl (not like a hooker or anything just a girl with a job) and this guy that would flirt with. Back to now... So me and this guy talked and exchanged phone number.  We talked off and on, on Saturday.  He asked me to meet in at the same bar in my small town that night and I told him I would have to let him know depending on how my night went.  So work went really well and thought a drink sounded pretty good so I texted him tell him that I'd be down later and I'd see him.  He got all excited.  So on the way home I asked my pizza guy if he know anything about him.  The response I was not what I wanted to hear.  All he told me was what a dirtbag he was.  But not wanting to go back on my word, I headed home changed and went to the bar.  I danced with a  friend and chatted with some people before I talked to him.  The first thing I heard him say was him telling someone NOT to talk to HIS girl.  Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize I was bought and paid for (once again I'm not a hooker I'm just not thinking through what I'm saying).  So I went over to him explained that I am not his girl friend and let him by me a beer.  I then asked him if everything I heard was true.  He told me it was for the most part and made a few corrections to the story.  I had at this point already made my choice that I would never even thing about dating him. Mostly because he is a dirtbag.  

So then I am getting ready to leave right because it like bar time at this point when one of my bouncer comes up to me saying he has to talk to me right away.  I thought alright and walked away with him.  He then tall me that the Dirtbag that I am talking to was making out with some other girl before I got to the bar.  And that he wasn't very smart about it because I would be able to see it on the cameras.  So I hugged him and said thank you and headed home.  DirtBag called me at 3 in the morning to make sure I got home safe because the  2 1/2 block walk was SO long.  I was sleeping.  He texted me the next day saying good morning beautiful have a good day.

My response was something along the lines of 'Think long and hard about lying to me right now... we're you making out with some random girl last night before I got to the bar last night?'

He said 'what'

I responded with 'I work for the owner and can look at the camera feed from last night so I'll ask you again... We'er you making out with some girl last night before I got to the bar'

He said 'Yes I didn't know we were that serious.

I said ' It shouldn't matter how serious we are.  If you are trying to get me to date you, you shouldn't be macing on some other girl.  I told you Friday night I don't do second chances so Bye

He kept trying to talk to me but I wasn't having any of it so he showed up the night (Sunday stay with me people) With flowers and a card where he wrote something about Second chances are sometimes the Best chances Blah Blah Blah.  I wouldn't even go get the flowers from him.  I had Mufsha go get them for me and send him away.  I almost throw them away but I saw there were snapdragons in there and I love those so I brought them home saying nothing to him in the process.  He texted me the next day saying something about hoping to hear from and a to have a good day.  He is gone now.  Well he's still in town I'm sure but he is no longer bothering me (Because I just said that he will more then likely text me tomorrow because this is MY life were talking about here)  and I hope to never hear or see from him again...

I just thought you people out there might like this story :)

Thats all

Have Faith

K*

 

Stompin Grounds ~ JJ Lawhorn

Everybody knows just where to go when there's beer to get
And everybody still drives up that same old hill, for their first kiss
And old man Wilson he still don't know his backfield is the party spot
When the sun goes down, these are my stompin' grounds
Woah, these are my stompin' grounds

All my buddies they've been all marryin' their high school sweethearts
And you ain't got enough fingers to count the tractors in our front yards
4 wheel drives are given for gettin' back and forth in my hometown
These are my stomping grounds

Hey I live here, I'll die here and every time I look around
I see the dirt roads and the wind rows, I know what life is all about,
These are my stompin' grounds, yeah
Oh, these are my stompin' grounds

Me and my buddies we got ourselves a honey hole back in the pines
And ain't it funny how the bucks we missed get bigger, and bigger every time
I could be a million miles away or 20 minutes from my house, we're forever bound
These are my stompin' grounds

Hey I live here, I'll die here and every time I look around
I see the dirt roads and the wind rows, I know what life is all about,
These are my stompin' grounds, yeah
These are my stompin' grounds, yeah

I live here, I'll die here and every time I look around
I see the dirt roads and the wind rows, I know what life is all about,
These are my stompin' grounds, yeah
Oh, these are my stompin' grounds, yeah


I work a lot maybe some of you are aware But today I'm going to try not to talk about the bar.  Today I'm going to talk about home...some people don't understand my undying pull to this town.  I get it, I do, I was picked on in high school here.  I feel in love and was treated badly here. So many tears were shed in this very room that I am sitting in writing this.  But this is also the town where I found out that I didn't have cancer when I had the scare at the age of 22. This is where I was when sister #1 had both of her amazing children. This is where we were when sister #2 went from a family of 4 to a family of 7.  This the house I lived in when I figured out that even through it didn't feel like it at the time the world was not going to stop turning because of a man.  I lose friends and family in this town.  I made new friends and lived long enough to see them be buried as well.

I found my voice and learned about myself down south...  But I truly found myself in this room, in this house, in this town I found a job that I love and some of the best friends of my life here.  I am truly blessed to have the family that I have.  and yes I would have the same family here, there or anywhere but I might not be the same person without this town... Good or bad I want nothing more then to live in this little town for the rest of my life...

I always have had the wrong last name and wasn't good at sports but I found my niche in Drama, band and cheering.  Don't get me wrong i wouldn't go back to high school for less then a million is cash but it really wasn't that bad.  Some people would go back... Not me ... OK I would for the money and if I could take everything I have learned in the last ten years back with me.  then sure I'm in.

Really its just silliness


That's really all for today :)

Have Faith

K*

Satellite ~ Rise Aginst

You can't feel the heat until you hold your hand over the flame
You have to cross the line just to remember where it lays
You won't know your worth now, son, until you take a hit
And you won't find the beat until you lose yourself in it

That's why we won't back down
We won't run and hide
Yeah, 'cause these are the things that we can't deny
I'm passing over you like a satellite
So catch me if I fall
That's why we stick to your game plans and party lives
But at night we're conspiring by candlelight
We are the orphans of the American dream
So shine your light on me

You can't fill your cup until you empty all it has
You can't understand what lays ahead
If you don't understand the past
You'll never learn to fly now
'Til you're standing at the cliff
And you can't truly love until you've given up on it

That's why we won't back down
We won't run and hide
Yeah, 'cause these are the things that we can't deny
I'm passing over you like a satellite
So catch me if I fall
That's why we stick to your game plans and party lives
But at night we're conspiring by candlelight
We are the orphans of the American dream
So shine your light on me

She told me that she never could face the world again
So I offered up a plan

We'll sneak out while they sleep
And sail off in the night.
We'll come clean and start over the rest of our lives.
When we're gone we'll stay gone.
Out of sight, out of mind.
It's not too late,
We have the rest of our lives.

We'll sneak out while they sleep
And sail off in the night
We'll come clean and start over the rest of our lives
When we're gone we'll stay gone.
Out of sight, out of mind.
It's not too late,
We have the rest of our lives.
The rest of our lives

Because we won't back down
We won't run and hide
Yeah, 'cause these are the things that we can't deny
I'm passing over you like a satellite
So catch me if I fall
That's why we stick to your game plans and party lives
But at night we're conspiring by candlelight
We are the orphans of the American dream
So shine your light on me (shine your light on me)

Because we won't back down
We won't run and hide
Yeah, 'cause these are the things that we can't deny
I'm passing over you like a satellite
'cause these are the things that we can't deny now
This is a life that you can't deny us now

Strange things happen in my life...

Why does my blog always start like that now a days... anyway I guess nothing strange really has happened as of late... But that's mostly because nothing has happened... except work.  Between banquets and waitresses and getting the new girls trained and the new place opening who has time for a lite... I bought the new Nicholas Sparks book ... I have had it for almost 2 weeks and still have over 100 pages left (this part was wrtitten late night before I stayed up until after 3 finishing the book but it still took to long)... that's unlike me.  but I digress... who really says that anyway... I have found a way to fight off the nightmares so as long as I remember to do that every night I sleep well... That's a pulse.

I am thinking of cutting of my hair which is something that I DO NOT DO.  so just thinking about it means something right.   

What's the point in this post and that song.  Well it goes a little something like this.  With of the end of the nightmares dreams have set in.  The one that has popped (for late of a better word) up the most  is HE Who Shall Not Be Named showing up at my house telling me he is still in love with me and wants me back.  I KNOW that will not happen for two reasons... One he has a new girl, Two he let me get all the way to Indiana and live there for almost a whole year before he told me he would chance me forever.   If the shoe was on the other foot and it was me that he left I would have chased him til the end of the world and back because my love for him ran that deep.  BUT he didn't.  With the dream I keep having it makes me think about what would have happened if he would have chased me.  Would be together Married with kids ... Now please don't misunderstand I DO NOT want him back.. With all the wondering that I'm doing I am also thinking that I should have left him years before.  Like in high school when he stepped out the First time ... you know maybe the first time he called me stupid you know stuff like that.  My dreams have been making me thing and sometimes it might almost be better to be kidnapd then have to think so much ... HAHAHA I'm funny sometimes :)

I guess thats all


Have Faith

K*

When she Cries~ Restless Heart

The road I have traveled on
Is paved with good intentions
It's littered with broken dreams
That never quite came true

When all of my hopes were dying
Her love kept me trying
She does her best to hide
The pain that she's been through

When she cries at night
And she doesn't think that I can hear her
She tries to hide
All the fear she feels inside

So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cos I die a little each time
When she cries

She's always been there for me
Whenever I've fallen
When nobody else believes
She'll be there by my side

I don't know how she takes it
Just once, I'd like to make it
Then there'll be tears of joy
That fill her lovin' eyes
When she cries at night
And she doesn't think that I can hear her
She tries to hide
All the fear she feels inside

So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cos I die a little each time
When she cries

So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cos I die a little each time
When she cries

Strange things happen in my life...

I get asked out on a date to be blown off for a race that never happens.  I blow my knee out and have to put in 30 more hours limping around the bar (I didn't try to find anyone to work my shift I'm just whining about it).  I open the bar an hour early to be the bartender for people pre-gaming before the Badger game yesterday.  I took the weekend off to get drunk at home with some friends (and did I get drunk fast) Someone with a girlfriend thinks we should date.  Its no wonder I can't sleep and have started crying again... Strange things happen in my life... I guess that's all

Have faith 

K*